I stayed in a relationship that I knew was going to end.
I did what I knew I could do. I focused on being the kind of boyfriend I would want to date rather than trying to convince my partner that he should date me. I saw the signs and felt the escape velocity in our relationship, yet told myself that I was over analyzing things, making up stories, not giving him the benefit of the doubt, and not seeing the good in the situations. In my heart of hearts, I knew. This was ending.
And that sucked.
And I stayed in the relationship I knew was ending.
Part of it was because I truly loved the guy and I didn’t want to admit to myself that it was ending. Part of it was to make my partner finally make a choice and feel what taking personal responsibility felt like.
The biggest part was for me to have someone to blame. If I was sad, or heartbroken, or mad – I could blame him. He did this. It’s his fault. He chose this.
As if I had nothing to do with the relationship ending, my feelings, and my life. I didn’t take responsibility for my life and leave when I knew it was ending. I let his choice of not being in the relationship become my choice just to be let off the hook – so I didn’t have to do it.
(Not taking responsibility is always the easier option.)
And now, as we sit by a beach in Copie, I am brought into discussions about relationships that are fading out. They see the signs, they feel that escape velocity … and I invite them to consider learning from my lack of responsibility rather than repeating it.
Taking responsibility for an ending relationship requires compassion, honest conversations, and a big dose of confidence. It may also take a friend to look you in the eyes (or send you a blog post) and say those three magical words:
Just dump him.
Pick of the Post: Greg Laswell ft Sara Bareilles – Come Back Down
(Ow. This song is some serious tough love!)