Difficult conversations are those conversations you put off. The ones that tie knots in your stomach. The ones you avoid at all costs. You know the conversations I’m talking about – the ones you know you need to have, but just don’t want to.
A few months ago I attended a session by Tekara that provided some good tips that have helped me (and some friends) in having some difficult conversations, so I thought I’d share them more broadly here.
Tip #1:
“If you have to keep having the same conversation, you’re not having the right conversation.” (My sis would call this a Truth Bomb – and she’d be right!)
Tip #2:
Determine what the true issue is.
Is it a single instance? A missed deadline, arriving late for a meeting, or not calling when they said they would are single instances you can focus on. Focus on one. Fix it.
Is it a pattern? Missing deadlines and arriving late for a meeting create a perceived pattern of poor time management. Don’t focus on the instances as they aren’t, individually, the problem. One missed deadline isn’t pissing you off. It’s the pattern that is. Focus on the pattern of poor time management. Fix that.
Is it the relationship? If many possible patterns start to emerge (poor time management, signs of disrespect, etc), then something is not right with the relationship between the parties involved. Again, the patterns by themselves are not the issue. The issue is how multiple patterns are affecting the relationship. Focus on the relationship. Fix that.
Tip #3
There needs to be safety.
Safety is created with mutual respect and mutual purpose. If you don’t respect me, why should I listen to you? If you aren’t going after the same goal as me, why would I take your advice? You should create safety before entering into a difficult conversation.
….
A lot of it this is easier said than done – that’s for sure! But I guess that’s why they call them “difficult” conversations. They’re hard to get through, but the outcomes are definitely worth it. Slices of humble pie and letting go of your ego never hurt here either…
Pick of the post: Ellie Goulding – Guns and Horses (official music video)
Related posts:
3 comments
Tyler says:
June 14, 2010 at 4:13 pm (UTC 1)
I <3 that quote at the bottom 8D
Andre Malan says:
June 15, 2010 at 9:25 am (UTC 1)
Of course you could just have the conversation over the phone instead of in person… Then it’s way easier…
Matt Corker says:
June 17, 2010 at 2:21 pm (UTC 1)
Andre refers to a good point. Breaking up with someone over the phone instead of in person may be easier for the one initiating that conversation. Is it more effective in the long run? I’m going to say that depends on more factors than just that one conversation – but I stand to be corrected. At the end of the day, that type of conversation is difficult – regardless of communication channel. So good reference Andre – choose your channel to have a difficult conversation wisely.